SPOILER: Tammy whines.

Most of the people I talk to during the week are non-native English speakers and it's necessary to choose my words carefully. I mean that I've got to pare down what I'm trying to say, pick only the essential stuff, and find the words that get the message across. Obviously, I can get more abstract with my co-teachers and other Koreans with more English.

Sometimes, this can get tiring, lonely, or frustrating. And sometimes, to compensate for this, I expect the native speakers that I speak to to know the EXACT intention of every word that I use. And when I don't feel completely understood, sometimes I throw a big fit about it. My first reaction is a strong sense of indignation. I just DON'T understand how it was possible for the message to have been lost. Then comes a great sense of of loneliness. And finally (some time later), comes a little voice that says "you know, telepathy is a bit of an unreasonable demand." Which isn't really much of a comfort. But I am still glad that I tend to realize it eventually.

NOTE: Please don't think for a second that I don't appreciate how difficult second languages are, especially English. First of all, English wouldn't know structure if it jumped in its lap and called it mama. Secondly, I know maybe 20 words of Korean. Maybe. Which is pretty lame, I'll admit. Not nearly enough effort on my part. But the point is, the two languages are really far apart linguistically and I'm constantly blown away by the large vocabularies I encounter. Putting my German to incredible shame.

I got really fired up about dairy products today and used entirely too much butter for my lil cheese toasties. My heart hurts. Like, literally. I think my tummy needs a shower.

Bah, I want a cigarette. But, I've promised to beat Stevey J's record of 30 days.

I need more baskets, damn it.

conclusion: WEHHHHHHHHHHHH WEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Debbie Downer en Yahoo! Video

Everybody's Favourite: Rambly Walkabouts!

On Film! In THREE AYCH DEEZ!

Ketchup, Part II

MY ART SHOW & SOME MISCELLANY

So, my time in Deutschland came to a close and I made the looooong journey back to Naju, South Korea. It was hard leaving my Oma and Jurgen. AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN ON MY SOAPS? ALISA! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! On the plane, I read books about teaching and watched Harry Potter 6. And regarding Aych Peet's Romparound: who thought the concert-time-light-up-ya-lighter with wands would be at all cathartic? Show the funeral, pansies. But, I digress.
When I got back to my apartment, my brain was once again a'splatter. I bopped over to my neighbor's to get my key, a world-class hug, and to rattle off the emotional hills and valleys that were Deutschland withoutbreathingevenonetimeIdon'tthink. Whew. NTS: Get Alex  MOAR chocolate.

I went home, e-mailed my family to let them know I got back safely, and unpacked. Then, there was a pause. I had two days to finish 6 pieces of art. Stalling out of fear, I gave my e-mail a check. I had a reply from my mom:

I am glad you had a good time.
Even more glad that you made it back safely.
Now get to work on that art show.
Love you.
Mom

And that was that. I drank a Redbull (brought from Germany. I love those guys... it's probably for the best they're not in Korea [yet]), put on Golden Girls, and made art for about 30 hours. Then slept for a few hours, GOT UP (! ?!   !!), went to eat with Alex?, and made art for another 30 hours. Grabbed some 2 hours, finished some things up, tried to look like less of a crack addict, and took my work outside. Jihyun, the AMAZING intern from the Gwangju International Center (*where the gallery is) hired an ajushi (Korean man) to come transport my work (including a big ol' plastic children's slide) the 45 minutes to downtown Gwangju. I hate transporting art. Then I spent 3 hours installing in the gallery.

I love installing art.

After that I got and stored snackies, picked up some last minute hardware, grabbed a bus home and SLEPT. For about 7 hours. Then had to get back up, finish my lecture, go back into Gwangju. There, I met up with Lacey and Jen, who traveled 4 hours to my opening! AWESOMENESS. Artsy times commenced. My lecture went well, I think. I tend to ramble and I managed to keep that to a minimum and the content seemed to interest some people (who told me so afterward). I got lots of really cool questions after the lecture. MOAR REFLECTION ON EXHIBITION later. SHOUTING AT MYSELF, NOT AT YOU.

Then, me and the ladies, Miriam, Alex, and a dude from the GIC grabbed some shabu-shabu (crazy soup), a movie at a DVD room (Hot Fuzz, I do believe. I fell asleep). Then Lacey, Jen, and I went HOME. and SLEPT. And had a lazy Sunday and eventual TGIFriday's before they went back to Daegu.

And that, my friends, was the mad scramble of my first public art exhibition. I put up some pictures from my  art show in an earlier post, but there are more in this photo album [ here ], with lovely captions and everything.

Here's the blurb from our Facebook advert (oh, first time she's mentioned she showed WITH other artists, cough, cough, lookatmelookatmelookatme):

dwell·ing (n) – (1) a place to live in (2) a lingering thought

What does it mean to dwell in a city or community? What are the memories that dwell in all of us, in our personal space and in the public consciousness? Dwelling is a tri-part exhibition featuring paintings and sculptures by American visual artist Tamara Belden, drawings by Canadian architect Miriam Ho, and Gwangju University photographers Kim Sara and Kim Ye-Ji.

 And here's my artist's statement:

Schaden Freud: Chapter 2

The project is part of an ongoing, thematic autobiography by American visual artist, Tamara Belden (b. 1986). Schaden Freud centers on the impact of her mother's death (1990) and the results of forcing real life to compete with a ghost. Chapter 2 attempts to capture the substance of the artist's relationships with her past mentors. As an artist, Tamara enjoys linking different visual symbols and allusions to create idiosyncratic language. Borrowing from the visual language of comics, the chapter is a collection of seven “panels” in a particular order. Each panel is an illustration on a found object. The meaning inherent in the objects themselves combines with the added text and image, expanding the language of the story.

 *Didn't really mention how I got the gig. Not terribly exciting. Just asked one of the coordinators what I was planning on doing and if I could show. He said yes. I picked a month. I'm a member of the GIC and the artist's collective there. Anywho, I'll make that story much more thrilling when I try to get into grad school. ^^

NO LONGER ABOUT ART SHOW.

The following Monday (6 Feb), school started! But not really. I thought it was a new semester and I bounded in there with the class rules and a survey and my co-teacher's all "uh, it's the same semester." Cool, I thought. This semester goes until the end of February. Not so. By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was able to put together that it was some strange, graduation week limbo AND that I had TWO MORE WEEKS of vacation. Go'head. Glare at your computer screen. I feel quite sheepish about having so much time off.

I read my textbooks, worked on art, watched a lot of King of the Hill, and went hiking. I spent a weekend with Lace and Jen in Daegu and saw some awesome performance art in Seoul the next weekend. I had planned to go visit Seoraksan National Park at one point, but a window FELL OUT of my apartment. Now, it's my 3rd week back at school and my, things are different. My, so many more things to blarg about.

Also, I feel like it's worth noting that I bought two bags and a pink hair dryer this week. That looks miiiiighty girlie on paper. What are you doing to me, Korea?! Haha, I'm not really too terribly freaked out. There's a logical progression I can live with.

1. One bag is a murse and the other is to replace my school bag which is getting worn out. Sleek checker pattern on both.

2. My hair has looked super stringy lately (and I've never seen a Korean with stringy hair...that can get to you). My hair goop says "damage" on the container (that's the only English) and I thought maybe throwing a bunch on my hair before bed might help my hair not look so...uhm, damaged. And then I my hair magically became thick and shiny. I had been using the goop on my wet hair and there's NO WAY that I'd EVER get up in time for it to dry naturally, so I decided a hair dryer was in order. And while shopping, the pink was the cheapest.

Also, also, I've quit smoking. It's still terrifically early on and I'm feeling pretty high strung, but it doesn't seem to be too bad. I am feeling more feelings that I expected, though. Mostly, I'm amused that I've thought "hey, why aren't you smoking?" like 970 times in the last 6 days. Because there were about 15 occasions per day that called for a cigarette and now my brain is surprised by lack of response. Those moments aren't at all cravings (though I've had those, obviously...ROUGH), they're just a slight confusion. Also, I'm chewing on everything. I bought a ton of gum and assorted toothpicks to chew up. Woo! Wish me luck. ^^

And that's that for meow!

Tamz, Surveying the Great Youngsanpo

Ketchup, Part I

DEUTSCHLAND

So, where'd I leave off? I got to Germany, met my relatives, and became a fan of handball.

Oh, I also mentioned having a picture hidden in my camera of the mountains near Beijing. I took the photo before having an external memory card, so I had to get around to bothering to retrieve it.

 It's taken from the plane, but you can still tell how gorgeous the mountains are.

Alrighty, up to speed. Well, I was in Germany for about two and a half weeks. Most of that time, I stayed at the house. It was really awesome. It was important to me to just be with my oma and Jurgen after 20 years apart. And it was winter and my grandmother is 85. She bops around the house quite a bit but she can neither stand nor sit for too long--her knees are bad.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Jurgen and I went to the store together and had an outing with his girlfriend Sylvia and Croatian buddy, Robbie (who had the most English) in Ludwigsburg. We window shopped (with a dash of actual shopping) and then stopped at little restaurant where we ate SCHNITZEL AS BIG AS YER HEAD. What was that? Oh, it was just SCHNITZEL AS BIG AS YER HEAD. (Oh, did I mention that the food in Germany is amazing? Because it is. The best bread in the world. I dare you to argue that. More on the food in a bit.) I went on a few walks and Oma came along once to visit the clinic where I was born and to stop at a farm and buy GIANT, fresh eggs (all of which had double yolks. Oma was stoked and I was a little creeped out). Oh, and I was dropped off in Heilbronn for a few hows to study Killian's Church.

I've been having trouble drawing from life for extended periods, so it was a great chance to force myself to stay put. The architecture was mind blowing and I didn't even go inside. At some point, I'll wrangle together: pictures of my study from that day, the panel I designed based on those architectural elements, the panel I actually made, and the piece I'm working on now based on the same study.

The rest of the time, I watch soaps with Oma and handball with Jurgen and Sylvia. We looked at photos, asked each other tons of questions, and ATE TERRIFICALLY. The second week, I took notes on my teaching theory materials and finished planning the panels for my art show. I would have felt like a jerk working on stuff if I had been bopping all over Deutschland every minute. It was slow and comfortable and good. We chatted and I helped around the house and it was super precious.

Juergen and Sylvia

After a few days in the country, my German came back a bit and after a few more, I could distinguish Schwäbisch (the regional accent) from Hochdeutsch (German's standard dialect). Jurgen has some English and can put together sentences, but while kind and hilarious, he had no patience for me, language-wise. He didn't slow down, he wouldn't repeat himself, and when I reached for my dictionary, he'd tell me not to worry about it. But Oma was wonderful with me! She can't put together sentences, but she has a giant vocabulary, she spoke simply, and she went for my dictionary about as often as I did. At one point, I was whistling "Hänschen Klein," a song I didn't know the name of at the time, nor did I realize was German. Oma was sad to find out that I didn't know the words anymore (guilt pang!), but she taught them to me and we translated the lyrics together. We had a cute moment when I translated "Hänschen" ("Little Hans") to "Little Chicken" ("Hähnchen").

So around day three or four, my oma made it pretty apparent that she wanted/expected me to move to Germany. Juergen acknowledged that I don't “shit money” and it was good to work where I could get out of debt slowly rather than get into more quickly. At the same time, he mentioned I could stay in their spare room and work with his girlfriend at a local grocery store. NOW, it was nice to be loved and missed and accepted right off as almost a complete stranger. I even had a small(ish) fear that Oma and Juergen might resent me for the way things turned out 20 years ago when my dad and I left, despite the fact that I was a 4-year-old. HOWEVER, this felt really sudden and intense and as if life weren't my own anymore. (pang! pang! pang!)

All that being said, I might go get my MFA in Germany. Dunno. Not nearly there yet.

The Food.

German breakfast was the stuff of dreams. Fresh, amazing bread, sausages, jams, nutella, marzipan bread, cheese, liverwurst, and the world's best mustard. Sometimes, soft-boiled eggs. SOOOO GOOD. And dinners were delicious, home-made German food. MADE BY MY GRANDMOTHER. Sauerkraut and tiny chickens. Bread balls and pot roast. Oh. Man.

Oma's schnitzel with fries and special sauce

Onion Quiche

NO LONGER ABOUT FOOD.

 My Oma gave this doll. He's a little sandman. He has a pull-chord and plays a pretty tune. Oma bought it for me when I was 6. Heart warming/breaking. I play his little song every night. His name is Schnitz.

So, the take home message is Germany is beautiful, the trip was wonderful, I love my German family, and I hope to visit again soon. ^^

For more Germany pictures, click on my online photo album [ here ].

Update this week. PROMISE.

For now, here's a Cha quote.

The Cha: You should knock on your neighbors' door and invite them for coffee.
Me: ...I don't have any Korean and they might not have any English.
The Cha: You can have a language exchange!
Me: Well, I understand that, but when I knock on the door in the first place, it might be difficult to explain all of that. And I don't want to bother them.
The Cha: No problem! Koreans like to bother people!

Edit: Saturday, 13 March 2010
And another!

"As a punishment from the G-d, the world has different languages. I told this to the students." -The Cha, after having me read a text with the students four times in a row.

At first, I thought she was just pontificating about the difficulty of language learning (boy, did I hate dragging them through that reading the fourth time). It was a couple of seconds before she said "I told this to the students." Which, of course, made me burst into laughter, startling the students (who were scooting off after the bell). The Cha's comedic timing is amazing (even when it's not on purpose...I can't always tell). The conversation then continued.

The Cha: The first punishment from the G-d was to split women from men.
Me: (still thinking in terms of Biblical references) No, G-d did that because Adam was lonely. G-d saw that it was not good for him to be alone.
The Cha: (who is a Buddhist and will mash up philosophies as she pleases) Now men and women feel lonely. They used to be together in each person, but then the G-d split them apart. 
 Me: Oh, that's from *Plato!
The Cha: And now there are misunderstandings and love is difficult. That's the real problem.

*You can read that particular bit of philosophy [ here ], if you're curious.